So, *this* is senioritis

Posted by Steve Hanna on April 2nd, 2007 filed in Random Tags: emo, heartbreak, icir, research, school, security, wii

I am very ready to graduate. This week I have two tests, one in my semiconductor devices class and one in my non-linear dynamics class. I basically just need to get through these with a decent passing grade. I have been studying a lot for the semiconductor class in particular and I feel pretty confident so far, yet I’m sure anxiety will kick in fairly soon. All these classes mean so little to me now that I am going to Berkeley. I am so excited but right now I am burnt out with school and the transition to graduate school will be a welcomed one.

The amount of free time I have is exorbitant. I’ve quit WoW, lost my girlfriend of two years, and I find that I’ve nothing to do most of the time. I can only study so much before I get saturated so I’ve found myself watching Law and Order CI…a lot. It’s easy to feel numb when watching television. I hardly ever watch TV but between SSX Blur and L&O:CI, I have spent so much time in front of the idiot box in the past week.

I find myself looking towards the future even more than I did in the past. I feel like I am living my life in fast forward, and I would really like to slow it down a bit. I know when I leave UIUC, it may be a very long time before I ever come back. I need to stop and smell the proverbial roses. But who am I kidding? I’ve been living my life in the future for as long as I can remember. I always tell myself that the next step in my life will what I’ve been looking for. Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe I have illusions of grandeur, maybe I’m whimsical; whatever the case may be, I think I am finally going to slow down.

It hit me the other day just how much of my life is completely absorbed in security, computers, engineering and technology in general. When I move to Cal, I’ve decided I will make sure that there is a separation in my day to day life. I’ll take the time so go climbing, snowboarding, surfing, etc. and I would love to start doing some northern shaolin kung fu again. I’ve just realized that while I love everything that I do at school, my entire life has been completely absorbed in this learning process. Now that is not to say that absorption in material is not a good way to learn, what I’m saying is that complete absorption absolutely cannot be healthy. From the graduate students I have spoken to, life seems to pace itself a bit more as a graduate student. This is something I am really looking forward to.

It’s hard to believe that I will graduate on May 13th and I’ll be starting work at ICIR in Berkeley on the 28th. At least the family will be moving to LA. Having all of us in the same state will be an excellent. C’est la vie, je suppose.

Always looking for something to do, drop me a line!